As long as you live happily, it doesn't matter if you don't fit in.
the more gregarious, the more mediocre
the Tale of the wonderful things of the World tells such a story:
Financial elites with successful careers become rich and rich, and one day they suddenly find that other people's evaluation of themselves is clearly visible.
those who praised him for his diligence and diligence turned into blue stickers, while those who called him defiant and unsociable turned into red stickers.
the stickers were firmly glued to his suit coat, and no matter how much he tore it off.
Chenggong's nightmare begins.
he realized that he was so unsociable in the eyes of others.
in order to reverse other people's impression of himself, he began to change his behavior in all aspects:
give up the charging time at noon and go to have dinner and have fun with colleagues;
protect employees who make false accounts because they want to fit into everyone's circle;
observe other people's thoughts carefully before doing anything;
but what about the results?
instead of becoming everyone's favorite friend, he was reduced to a submissive loser, and was secretly accused of being a "gullible single-celled creature" by his colleagues.
this can't help but make people feel full of emotion.
We are all eager to be gregarious and recognized by everyone.
even if you don't get used to it and don't like it, you will force yourself to integrate into the group.
however, if you are an eagle, living in a sparrow bird, you will only degrade your ability to fly; if you are a giant whale, curled up in the shallow waters of the fish, you will not have the courage to sail far away.
writer Wang Kailing once said: "crowds are often people's graves."
the more gregarious people in life, the more they lose the ability to think for themselves.
you think you are gregarious, but in fact, you are just assimilated by mediocrity. And this will hurt you sooner or later.
there is a pine caterpillar experiment in psychology, which tells such a truth.
if you let several pine caterpillars form a circle at the edge of the flowerpot, you will find that they climb forward one by one, even for seven days and nights, until they are exhausted and die.
in fact, there are enough pine leaves to feed them in the middle of the flowerpot, but none of the gregarious pine caterpillars try to change course.
this is the tragedy of all gregarious people.
Life is short and time is impermanent. Why force yourself to be gregarious?
there is a saying that lions and tigers are always alone, and only foxes and dogs are in groups.
it's really not worth wasting a lot of time and energy in order to fit in.
deliberately gregarious, not only can not let you get what you want, but also make you lose your own judgment, and gradually become a slave to the collective will.
Smart people, not gregarious
"even if 50,000 people argue that something stupid is right, it won't be right because of it."
all good people know that gregariousness means nothing to them.
Douban had a netizen in his early years
@ Renren five
I posted a post, and then it went viral all over the Internet.
he once lived in the shackles of gregariousness:
when he first went to college, he couldn't figure out what he wanted. whenever he had free time, he went with his classmates to Internet cafes to play games. sometimes he even tapped on the keyboard and ordered takeout.
later, he discovered his new hobby and began to write poems and draw carefully.
but whenever a classmate approaches, he will quickly cut to the interface of the game. Because he is afraid, afraid of his own loneliness, so that he seems out of place.
he is like a white chess that falls into a heap of black chess, trying to paint himself with black paint in order to fit in with the crowd.
however, after a period of time, he found that his occasional works were loved by a lot of people. Those people praised him for being a maverick and never asked him to fit in.
he finally plucked up his courage and wiped off the black paint on his body, showing a bright light.
now, he has published his own book and fulfilled his dream of studying abroad.
but his classmates still live a gregarious life and eventually become ordinary people.
the older people get, the more they understand that they are outdated and gregarious, and they can't change anything except a short sense of security.
in fact, the process of trying to fit in with yourself is also a process of desperately denying yourself.
but when mortals live in the world, everyone has their own edges and corners. If you blindly choose to be gregarious, the surface may look as smooth as a mirror, but the inside may already be devastated.
being unsociable means keeping edges and corners and sharpness.
Let you walk through the wind and rain world, still holding a sword and shield in your hand.
Let you go farther and farther even if you know that the road ahead is full of thorns.
as Mr. Yang Jiang said:
"the world is your own and has nothing to do with others."
when you understand this, you understand the true meaning of being a loner.
throughout the ages, none of those who live well are gregarious:
the famous writer Thoreau, after two years of self-cultivation and self-feeding in the cabin of Walden Lake, was basically isolated from the outside world, and wrote Walden Lake, which is famous for his clear writing style.
Jobs, who is well known by his classmates as "a guy who is very difficult to get along with others", founded Apple by thinking about his time alone, with annual sales of billions.
Qian Zhongshu, a master of literature, was arrogant in his youth, indulged in writing in his old age, declined irrelevant visitors, avoided ineffective social interaction, and created countless pearl-like works.
mediocre people tend to like to socialize with others. It is easier for them to put up with others than to challenge themselves.
but smart people don't want to make trouble for themselves. They prefer to immerse themselves in their own world, which is much more interesting than the crisscross of the wine table and the fragrant sideburns of Vanity Fair.
actively refuse to socialize, give up useless connections, enjoy alone time, and wait for the flowers to blossom and fall.
for them, being unsociable is not the isolation of personality, but the independence of soul.
Life is too short to be gregarious
in the "Strange Theory" of the fire in recent years, there is a debate topic that impressed me deeply:
"I don't fit in. Should I change it?"
debater milk tea is compared with Tetris. She said:
"Tetris tells us that if you fit in, you will disappear."
We are all Tetris, and those who are willing to fit in with the crowd have disappeared into the crowd.
in fact, the strong are good at being alone, but the weak are just gathering together.
Zhuangzi said: "to come and go alone is to be unique, and to be unique is to be the most expensive."
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means that loners are rare, but it is precisely because they are rare that they are the most precious.
know that life is your own, not someone else's.
you don't have to spend some ambiguous money, find some bad people and say something innocuous.
not all groups are suitable for your participation, and not everyone understands what you are thinking.
if you don't bring it in life, you won't take it with you if you die.
as long as you live happily, it doesn't matter if you don't fit in.
one book a week, no matter how busy it is, don't forget to recharge it.
Wen Qian, professional teacher of university broadcast host, Putonghua tester, member of Hubei recitation artists Association.