Stop pleasing others and learn to please yourself.
A good partner is the achievement of each other, while a bad partner will only put the lives of both parties in dire straits.
Buffett said frankly when talking about marriage:
"the biggest mistake you can make, the most important decision in your life, is who to marry.
only when it comes to choosing a future partner, if you really make the wrong choice, it will cost you a lot, and the loss is not just financial. "
your partner determines your situation and fortune for the rest of your life to a large extent.
when choosing a life partner, you must keep your eyes open, screen carefully, and beware of the following kinds of people!
people who are too greedy
there was a collection of hot topics on Weibo, asking everyone "why did you choose to marry that man".
the answer of most people is: "because he is good to me."
in fact, the correct choice of partner depends not only on his attitude towards you, but also on his own quality.
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A long and happy marriage must be the agreement of the two sides in terms of values and quality.
A person with good quality is worth trusting and relying on.
have seen such a fable:
there was a farmer who was short of money, so he decided to go down the mountain to cut firewood and sell it for something to eat.
who knows that while chopping wood, the axe accidentally fell into the river.
the farmer was so sad that he couldn't open the pot at home, but he didn't expect that the firewood was not cut and the tools for chopping firewood were lost.
the river god heard the farmer crying and asked him, "Why are you so sad?"
the farmer told the river god about his experience and pleaded:
"Lord River God, can you help me find it? This is the only working tool at home. If I lose it, I really don't know how to live! "
the river god was moved by the farmer and returned to the river. after a while, the river god brought three axes.
one belongs to the farmer, and the other two are gold axe and silver axe.
and tell the farmer:
"I have found an axe for you. I must keep my feet on the ground and work hard in the future. The other two axes are gifts from me, but you must use them when you need them most. Remember to be too extravagant and regret them later."
the farmer quickly knelt down to say thank you and went home happily with an axe.
when he got home, the farmer thought, usually there is no big deal at home, and now the most urgent need is to satisfy his own life. Now that I have gold and silver, why do I have to work?
so the farmer began to enjoy a life of profligacy, and his wife refused to listen to any persuasion. In a few years, he lost all his savings.
at this time, the farmer's wife was seriously ill and was in urgent need of money. The farmer was in a hurry, but he could not come up with the money to treat his wife.
the farmer cried and begged the river god.
the river god said, "remember the advice I gave you before?" Originally, I calculated that you were hit by a disaster, so I gave you two axes for a rainy day. I didn't expect you to forget so soon. People who are too greedy will come to no good end, and I can't help you. "
finally, the farmer's wife died, and the farmer returned to nothing and regretted it.
some people are always greedy for property that does not belong to them, but do not realize that money is earned by their own feet on the ground, and all speculation in exchange for temporary satisfaction turns out to be nothing more than a pipe dream.
when looking for a partner, you should not only see whether a person is good or bad to you, but also see clearly a person's character.
Don't be greedy too much, don't have too much desire, keep inner peace, down-to-earth is the most trustworthy!
people who are too frugal
as the old saying goes, "one porridge and one rice, when thinking about hard-won, a trace, constant material resources are difficult."
thrift is a traditional virtue in China, which is worth carrying forward, but excessive thrift is a bad habit and should be abandoned.
think of the story that reader Chestnut shared with her ex-boyfriend backstage.
Chestnut has a rich family and a stable job. She is an independent woman who never asks for anything valuable from her boyfriend, but pays more attention to etiquette.
in Chestnut's view, a proper sense of etiquette can warm up the relationship between the two.
so whether it's Valentine's Day, boyfriend's birthday, or daily needs, Chestnut always prepares some practical and thoughtful gifts for her boyfriend.
but what about Chestnut's boyfriend?
on Valentine's Day of the first year, my boyfriend sent Chestnut a love letter saying that he wanted to find the feeling of his first love.
the following year, on Chestnut's birthday, her boyfriend gave her a picture she had painted, saying that she would draw the most beautiful appearance of the chestnut.
on her birthday this year, her boyfriend said he would take her to the sunrise and bring the most beautiful scenery to her eyes.
my best friend can't help joking: "your boyfriend is such a romantic rooster."
Chestnut and her boyfriend went to the mall some time ago and took a fancy to a pair of shoes worth 500 yuan.
Chestnut and the shop assistant looked at each other, very embarrassed.
usually two people live together, basically every month is the water and electricity bill paid by Chestnut, the boyfriend also said:
"the cost of living is so expensive that you need to save flowers; the air conditioner doesn't need to be turned on at all; toilet paper can be pulled one page at a time; shampoo squeezes a pound."
A man who is too frugal can't do great things, let alone love you.
writer Joseph Billings said: "some frugality is inappropriate, such as suffering and austerity is an example."
proper frugality is a virtue, but too much frugality is often counterproductive.
A good love life is not blindly frugal, but two people working together to work out a good life of their own.
people who sacrifice too much
someone in Zhihu asked, "isn't it happy to find someone who has a strong sense of self-sacrifice and always thinks about each other?"
the one with the highest likes replied: "on the contrary, both sides will be very uncomfortable." Because you must learn to love yourself before you can love others. "
the famous director Feng Xiaogang talked about his interesting relationship with his wife Xu Fan on the program.
Xu Fan always likes to pick up food for him. He replied that he would not eat, but he would still pick it up. On one occasion, he really couldn't help it and accused Xu Fan of "obsessive-compulsive disorder."
Xu Fan was furious when he heard this, and was angry at him: "you simply don't know how to be grateful!"
I believe that many women have similar misconceptions: when they pay more effort and sacrifice for this family and this man, they will get more love from each other
but those who sacrifice too much, in the end, only move themselves.
We often hear such words:
"for you, I worked as a housewife at home as soon as I graduated from college, doing housework for you, raising children, and having no life of my own. I have paid so much for you, how could you do this to me …..."
"I work so late every day to support my family. You don't understand my pressure when you shop on the street every day. When I come back, I have to listen to your nagging. Am I not tired?"
"in order to marry you, I left my family and friends and got married here. Is this worthy of me?"
too many complaints and contradictions in relationships come from feeling that you have sacrificed too much.
it can be seen that excessive sacrifice is a sharp blade in feelings, not only to hurt yourself, but also to hurt your partner.
the real relationship should be to love yourself seven percent and love each other three percent.
German emotion expert Eva expressed such a view in her book "Love yourself, marry whoever you are":
"your happiness is in your own hands, please extend the tentacles of finding love to your own world."
loving yourself is the beginning of lifelong romance.
from now on,
stop doing housework and learn to take care of yourself.
Don't just listen to your husband, have your own opinions;
Don't just make money around your family, start socializing today;
stop pleasing others and learn to please yourself.
No one is more important than yourself. Love yourself a little more and love yourself deeply.
one book a week, no matter how busy it is, don't forget to recharge it.
Wen Qian, professional teacher of university broadcast host, Putonghua tester, member of Hubei recitation artists Association.